The Grand Event
Getting married (at 40) ten years ago…and breaking all the rules.
Hello! I am writing this from beautiful and peaceful (and warm) Oman – which I will certainly circle back to in reflection.
In the spirit of celebration, I am sharing this full post without a paywall.
I guess I will be super on trend with this huge throwback to 2016… as all trends – I usually am totally unaware of, I just happened to have caught some people doing it.
For me, today’s Laundry List comes up as a deeper reflection as I close in on my last week of my 40’s… (So much has changed for me in the last decade – another Laundry List for another time) and as I unexpectedly decided to (plan and) throw myself a 50th birthday party…
With that, it requires me to share what was “The Grand Event,” coined by James as this was so much more (and wildly different) than a “normal” wedding.
James and I had been dating for 5 years and there was no doubt from the beginning that we were meant to be together. While I was used to being perceived as the sad single one (of the two Laundresses) – Bridget Jones spinster style – I was also often shamed as the childless one. So with all those years of single shaming, to refer to my forever guy as my “boyfriend” – I was SO OVER. I was also turning 40 – so I very romantically declared to James that if I was going to turn 40, I might as well BE MARRIED.
The official transition from my Carrie Bradshaw NYC West Village solo gal life.
So, here we were planning a 40th birthday and wedding – The Grand Event. The other reality in our dynamic – James, a second marriage with technically adult children, and the rest of his family all in Toronto – all whom would NEVER lay eyes on MY FAMILY – and OUR LIVES TOGETHER - would never be SEEN – unless we had an “event.”
We would just keep living in this out of sight, out of mind obscurity.
It was also important to me that my parents and small extended family, who adored the fresh addition of James to our tiny clan, got to meet his children and his people.
However, a bride I was not.
Actually, James was also coined by my dear friend “the bride” for his excited enthusiasm and even afterwards the title continued to TMB: “The Married Bride.”
As one that is used to not fitting in a box (nor following any rules), this was just another “project” on my list of “brand experiences.” At the time, my plate was very full of other creations – in addition to my normal all consuming Laundress job – I was also deep in gut renovating our new dream apartment at 1 Fifth Avenue (which I still long for.) On top of that, I was also deep, in the ENORMOUS project of creating and building the new Laundress flagship store on Prince Street which opened a few months before…and alas, topping it all off with the planning of The Grand Event!
While I had a day-of wedding planner, it was all the specific details of the full weekend that I cared most about. The Grand Event spanned that entire third weekend of February 2016. The kickoff was on a Wednesday – at City Hall.
As I listened just last week to my BFF roommate from college OBSESS over her upcoming nuptial officiant (very oddly called a solemnizer), our nuptial was the exact opposite.
To me, the actual nuptials were the least on my mind or the least interesting part of the plan.
Perhaps it was the lead up of our thorough pre-nup journey – while low in actual assets and highly leveraged in debt, accounted for my potential Laundress asset “event” that luckily did come true 3 years later. Prenups get a bad rap, but I am now actually OBSESSED with THIS DIVORCE ATTORNEY after my dearest friend and also prenup fan sent THIS podcast to me. Totally worth the long listen!
But, going to City Hall, which WAS the former DMV, actually just felt like that…administrative! I was SO not into it, refusing a bridal bouquet that my incredibly non-bridal extraordinary florist literally FLORAL bombed me at City Hall with a bouquet she insisted I needed to have!
I also should note my outfit choices here…
As the photos will clearly reveal – I wore black. Oddly as a former fashion person, I gave very little effort in the weekend outfit department. We were in Rome at the end of our summer holiday that year and I walked past the Dolce & Gabbana store with the black Sicilian lace funeral dress in the window- and I knew that was it. James and I went in, my first time ever shopping D&G, tried on the dress, and declared it my wedding dress! Luckily James approved.
My main event dress was even less effort. One morning in Bridgehampton, I went up to the attic, found the brown paper bag, brought it downstairs and pulled out a black ball gown from an Oscar de la Renta sample sale from a few years back that had been stuffed in the bag ever since. I held it up and asked James if I should wear this…and he said Yes to the Dress!
What was the surprise though, was the insane comic experience that went with the City Hall event. I wanted this “transaction” to just be James and I. However, James insisted that my mother should be there...which I felt was super weird to be wed with just the three of us…THUS, my mom needed a handler! James didn’t exactly understand the need in the first place, until HE DID. Luckily, my Welsh BFF (see UK countryside travels) was the perfect option with loads of Peg handling experience to round out our nuptial group of 4.
Let’s just say, my mom was brought to TEARS – not from joy – but from absolute absurdity. She literally turned to me and said “Only you… this is so INSANE!”
Between the deli ticket number system, the dirty furniture I declared an STD threat, the officiant ordering a pizza (we had to wait for him to finish), James totally focused on the Babe Ruth wedding photos, the other fellow nuptial seekers, all walks of NYC life…the vending machine flowers and MERCH, and the poor bride in the ladies room desperately trying to zip a dress over her expecting body…it was A LOT.
Nevertheless, we got it done. We had our bubble gun photo moment, stopped by The Laundress shop to toss the bouquet, and off we went to champagne at the Standard Hotel. The other problem with getting married is that everyone gives you champagne…and then you end up drinking it! Then we went to The Lowell Hotel for our fun wedding night adventure to the exotic Upper East Side. This was a hotel favorite of my high school bestie. The room’s fireplace made it extra perfect for the February evening (BTW – they charge extra to light it!). However, more champagne there and a huge dinner at Il Mulino didn’t help either.
This all led to my first (of three) IV drips over the weekend.
BTW: IV drips should be well accounted for in any long weekend event. Note to self to book for my party next month!
Speaking of prep maintenance – I was solely focused on starving. I mean, being skinny “The wedding weight.” I started in the fall with some LA doctor I paid to follow his “medical” process of essentially starving. It was a long lead of starvation, which at the end, included two protein shakes a day (which made me a bloated gas bomb) with an exciting snack of a cherry tomato. Either I was so focused or starvation brain deprived, I didn’t even think about whitening my teeth or needing self-tanner for my pasty February skin…but skinny and starving I was!
I really need to speed it up here – I could go on FOREVER!
The Agenda
Wednesday: City Hall Nuptials
Celebration drinks at The Standard Hotel
Dinner at Il Mulino
Overnight at The Lowell Hotel
*Hair & makeup & surprise bouquet from ETF
Thursday: Primary Family Dinner at 1 Fifth
James goes to work meeting
Gwen IV drips
Host dinner at home with James’ kids and Gwen’s mom, aunt, and uncle.
Guests start arriving to the Marlton Hotel
Friday: Family Lunches / Family & Friends Dinner
Ladies lunch in Columbus Circle
Gents Lunch at Katz’s Deli
Extended family tea gathering at our apartment
Dinner for 30-ish at the Waverly Inn’s private back room
*This was the only event where I wore white! Well actually, cream to be exact. A Ralph Lauren cream wool pantsuit.
*Hair & makeup, Laundress photographer and friend Stan Wan captured the intimate moments.
Saturday: The Day Of
Ambitious morning plan of girls’ barre class
Girls mani/pedi’s at 10/10 Soho
Guests are invited to shop at The Laundress shop too. The store is a flutter of fun too!
*Another IV drip, hair & makeup, stylist friend assisting us dress
… and I forgot to write a speech too!
The Grand Event
While the goal of the nuptial weekend was to bring everyone important to us together, it was the deep vision I had that made it extraordinary.
My goal for this evening was to create a most memorable luxuriously special classic New York City black tie evening event.
My reference was “Downton Abbey on steroids.” The grand and glamorous house party I dream of being at – which wasn’t or isn’t a wedding NOR had any traditional wedding moments.
After looking everywhere for a venue, it was my own club, The National Arts Club, that ended up being perfect for our mission. The historic mansion was ours for the evening, the backdrop required very little, and it was Emily Thompson who really brought my vision to life. It is grossly unfair to label her as a florist, she was the talent that created and translated this feeling through every thoughtful detail- big and small.
This started with the club chef – who was not exactly thrilled that our “wedding booking” was pushing him well outside his comfort zone. We began with the hors d’oeuvres, skipping the traditional list of options in favor of Emily’s rough sketches: center tables stacked with asparagus and cabbage towers, edibles dangling from layered serving pieces. James was in charge of procuring the Parmesan wheel!
Then we moved the chef to the main course. The meal choices hinged on the best options for the Russian table service we wanted – not the sad, tired pre-plated wedding dishes, but butlered table service via an arsenal of glamorous rented silver (à la Mr. Carson’s Downton collection).
I had to truly trust Emily when she – very uncharacteristically – insisted on black sequined tablecloths…and they were a showstopper. This was just the foundation for her masterpiece: a tablescape of exotic orchids woven through candelabras, citrus fruits, and opened pomegranates. Yes – it was Dutch still-life-esque…all further personalized by Emily’s iconic calligraphy name cards, a keepsake in itself.
And then there was the dessert table. No one loves a wedding cake, but I do love BIRTHDAY CAKE!
James’ other very important duty was to procure and taste every vanilla (yellow) cake with chocolate frosting in the city – and the Hamptons, too! This was my only indulgence during my starvation diet. The vision was another still life: colorful Jell-O molds (another insane friend project to produce), birthday cakes, and more fruits and flowers.
And then the little details.
The custom event scent my incredible perfumer created for me wafted around from custom candles. I tapped my friend at Joya to produce in large format to place around the club and bathrooms, and then make individual gift sizes everyone got to take home.
In addition to Emily’s event calligraphy, my dearest friend and artist Daniela Kamiliotis created our JG monogram used throughout the event correspondence and details including the candles, napkins, and matches.
The live music hummed in the parlor before and after dinner, which sadly James and I don’t recall a single tune we agonized over curating.
But it was the photos that were the true keepsakes for all, to forever keep their personal impression from the evening. On the heels of my girlfriend’s wedding over 10 years before mine, her mother-in-law had brought in a photographer from Ohio for their rehearsal dinner – which sounded crazy – until I saw why. He was WAY ahead of his time: creating a beautiful black white photography backdrop with a self-capturing image system. My favorite memories from the evening are in all 886 of those photos I have saved, printed, and edited in an album.
Many of those images are framed in our friends’ homes and are their prized photos.
This was another prime example of my joy of creating with others!
Like playing tennis, it is much more fun to play with someone better than you! I had Emily to raise my game, and so many of my super talented and giving other collaborators and friends. From my hairdresser Mauricio, to my pilates instructor by night, stylist by day, who served as my Annie Leibowitz family photo orchestrator! Not even the family photos were standard – onto the floor, some laying down, they went.
But it was also staying firm to my goal of maximizing together time and creating all the moments big and small that kept the weekend flowing, exciting, and special for everyone – out of town guests and locals alike.
While there was much post-party weekend depression, with my friends in particular who were high on together-time and feeling young and free, I was completely shattered en route to and upon arrival in Sri Lanka. Luckily we planned it well to start off our honeymoon adventure with a few unplanned recovery days on the beach.
So as I now piece together the plan for my 50th birthday mini-Grand Event:
The Goal: If not now, when?
The Theme: Togetherness
The Scene: Classic New York Evening
…and the most important details: bringing people together, birthday cake, and memorable photos!
To be continued…